Today is Friday, the end of my fasting period. It also happened to be Valentine's Day, the day for lovers. Ironically. Why? I am learning to love myself in a way that challenges me. I have to accept the spiritual experience that I am undergoing due to trauma. You see, it has been a long while since I have felt the presence of peace, and when I do, it is usually a burst of it, and then like the fog, it's thick, and then it simply disappears. The difference with fog, at least I know when it is coming, by way of the forecaster or someone telling me. Peace, however, is not like that. I have to call on the creator God and request the presence of peace.
Whelp, with all that, I write to express, today I am dwelling in peace, and it isn't a burst of it. Today it is like oxygen, ever flowing in and out of me, my mind, oh let me tell you, flowing free of clutter. I have never had a mind so de-cluttered, it caused me to concentrate on finding where the stuff went and if it was laying dormant somewhere, ready to jump out and surprise me; I do not want to go back to having a mind full of ruminating thoughts. I would much rather they come and go, making way for new thoughts, ideas, and experiences. To be completely open, this has been a considerable challenge for me. Loving the way I process things mentally.
I have struggled with it for years. It's like my mind would not let go of incidents or ideas, and at times it would get so crowded in my head, I would turn on loud music and drown them all out as if I was putting them on time out. (insert a laugh here)
I love my mind and the new way it processes information. I am enjoying this new way of gathering ideas and the expelling of these ideas. I am so used to be being mentally cramped that I thought, whelp, this is the way I will live forever – Mentally Exhausted all the time. I also learned, more like entirely accepted, I am an empath, which we will get into some other time.
Today is Friday Valentines Day, and I am grateful to report I can say not only do I love and appreciate myself, but I love how far my mind has come; it has arrived at a place where it knows how to skip rocks, say huh what you said? It can start from zero; it doesn't allow ruminating thoughts to be a thing any more; however, it does give way to archive memories and allows for me to every once in a while sit down and go down memory lane with a timer. Loving myself also means to love my mind. Cheers to many more moments of still thoughts and not going to war with myself.