Ugh… Anxiety

September 24, 2018 • Ondina Silvera • Anxiety • Healing • mental wellness

Super Irrational

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Emotionally REAL!

You are looking at your watch and know you have to be somewhere in 5 minutes, but your clock, an object…somehow is going to determine what happens to your livelihood in a manner of minutes (you tell yourself). Your hands begin to sweat and other parts of your body, you are discovering can and is sweating too. You enter the transportation that will take you to your destination, and as you move forward, your mind is creating a host of terrible scenarios, which isn’t helping your anxiety… and if you are the type to externally appear as though your life right now, in the state that you are in is terrific, your stomach has prematurely completed the digestion of last nights dinner and today’s breakfast and is preparing to have it released in the form of diarrhea. If you are the type to expose your anxiety, a loud…you are pulling over the car and trying to keep the contents in your stomach from showering your passenger seat. And if you are anything like me, you are pulling over and talking yourself out of a panic attack, while "talking" yourself out of thinking the worst possible outcomes,

“I am getting to work on time, I will not lose my job. They will understand. Shit happens…right? I am not a robot! I had a long night, and I did wake up early. I need medication for this shit. It’s gonna be okay, just breath girl…no I mean woman, you passed the stage of girl a long time ago. Shit, maybe it is because I see myself as a girl…. SHUT UP! You have 2 minutes to get to work, and you are not going to make it. The reality, you are pulled over at the side of the road, and you are hyperventilating…take 2 puffs of your Asthma pump, say a pray, get back in your car, turn your music up loud, roll your fucking windows down and go to work. Worry about all the other stuff, when you get there.” If you are anything like me, you openly and aloud tell yourself, “Okay I can do this!”

Anxiety is interesting to me, because although I am aware it is entirely irrational, it allows me to accept the world I live in, is filled with uncertainty, which unfortunately my body doesn’t seem to like the notion of this prospect at all and shows up in the form of…you guessed it Anxiety. The only certainty I have, and I am made aware…Birth and Death…. that’s all. Everything else is chucked up to what we choose to do with the life we are giving, how we wish to endure life challenges, and who will we share the rollercoaster of life with…friends, a companion, an animal, solitude, God, etc.

Anxiety now has made itself a part of your life, and somehow you have to muster up enough courage to determine what position it plays in your life... in your family, begrudgingly. One thing I have learned, anxiety always show up when you trying to live your best life. It’s like the devil's cousin who doesn’t want you to be great. The voice you battle with or medicate. It is that family member that you ignore and somehow makes an appearance, and you are reminded why you don’t fuck with em’.

Anxiety…although classified and understood to be a bit irrational, it has real effects on our official bodies and minds. Let us be gentle with ourselves and realistically manage the silly family member that lives within.

-Hope-

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